Driving with Crazy

Kristie and I agree on many things: we like the same kinds of music, some of the same foods¹, many of the same movies and even some of the same people. There is one area where we have serious disagreement, and it's an important one.

You see, Kristie drives like a lunatic². Last weekend we went down to her family reunion³. Kristie drove⁴ and things went pretty well most of the time. The reason they went so well is that I've developed a sophisticated plan for stopping myself from complaining about the way she drives: I sleep.

On the way home things were a little different. I wasn't really tired and I was worried about the storms⁵. I was right to be afraid. Somewhere east of Jackson a BMW in the red-orange area of the spectrum⁶ decided to pass us. He came roaring up on the left side of the two lane road, only to have to hit his brakes when the car in front of him turned out to be going less than 90 miles an hour. He fell back and we didn't see him for a while.

A few minutes later, we were in the left lane and he came roaring up in the right. Kristie subtly accelerated so he couldn't pass us that time either. This traffic ballet involving us, the BMW and a pick-up truck with a trailer full of off-road motorcycles went on for several minutes despite the severity of the storm⁸.

Finally, as he attempted for the third or fourth time, to pass us on the right and Kristie fought to keep him from passing us again, I snapped. Let's review:

1. We're going 60 mph
2. It's raining cats and dogs and some lesser drivers have actually decided to wait the storm out
3. He really wants to pass us and is willing to do just about anything to achieve his goal
4. At this moment we are behind the truck (no more than 25' behind the truck) and can't see any of the road past him.

"Let him pass us" I yell.
Kristie looks at me incredulously, "What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't want to die!"
"But he shouldn't be rewarded for his bad driving, we'll only encourage him"
"I don't care. It's not worth dying over⁸ ."

Kristie decided to let him pass us⁹. I'm pretty sure she was less worried about a traffic fatality than about me keeling over from a heart attack. I also know that I'd better not use my cell phone or make any other mistakes for a good long time while she's in the car.

1. Technically, I happen to like everything she likes, except Macaroni and cheese.
2. Right now you're thinking I've taken poetic license to make my story funnier. I haven't.
3. We had a great time.
4. We have a clear rule: Kristie drives to functions with her side of the family, I drive if it's my side. It's not my fault my side lives within 10 minutes of us.
5. We managed to be in thunderstorms pretty much all the way from Sturgis to Detroit.
6. I say it was orange, Kristie says red. I even let her go first.
7. Some people actually pulled off the road because it was so severe.
8. At this point some of my friends and family are also probably incredulous. I haven't always been the safe, cautious and sane driver I am now.
9. I love you!

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